


Apologies to great questions

by Maria_Antonina



Series: Under One Small Star [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maria_Antonina/pseuds/Maria_Antonina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Directly follows "Apologies to chance". </p>
<p>It’s been seventeen years since the Reapers fell. Ten since the galaxy mourned John Shepard, its saviour. Kaidan, now with his own ship and his own crew, almost has time to put the losses of war behind him - until an old acquaintance shows up.</p>
<p>Now made pretty by mythicbeast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_My apologies to the felled tree for the table's four legs._

_My apologies to great questions for small answers._

 

 -Wislawa Szymborska, _Under One Small Star  
_

*

 

“One more word, LT, and I swear I _will_ throw you out of the bloody airlock!”

 

“There won’t _be_ an airlock left if that shuttle crashes into us!”

 

General Alenko didn’t get a lot of entertainment these days. While the name United Galaxy Force suggested the job would consist of playing space police, in reality it was all diplomacy, deep space exploration and colony support - under such circumstances, even an occasional thresher maw wasn’t enough action. Nobody could blame him for letting the screaming matches between his XO and flight lieutenant go as long as he could before intervening, especially when Tahir started slipping back into Indian accent or Aelius got too excited and let his fanboy side show by quoting the vids. A man had to enjoy the simple things in life aboard the Stealth Space Vessel _Karin_.

 

“Calm down, Kryik," he said gently, patting the young turian on the forearm - Aelius was freakishly tall even for his people’s standards, his fringe almost knocking into the low ceiling on the bridge.

 

Then Kaidan turned to Tahir and carefully removed his hand from the gun controls. “I've received request for support on my private terminal, LT. Let’s wait a bit before we blow the thing up, alright?”

 

Tahir Ashour was older than him - if he’d stayed in Alliance he would already be retired, as he liked to remind them at every occasion. He hated everybody who ever dared to appear on the bridge and seemed to only thinly approve of other humans, including Kaidan himself. Alenko wondered many, many times why he still kept him onboard and realized this was probably how every single CO had ever felt about Joker, back when the man was still on duty.

 

“Shuttle pilot, come in,” he said into the comm. “I can’t help you until you slow down. Can you do that?”

 

There was a lot of static. The message Kaidan had received indicated that whoever was on that shuttle knew him; he would shoot its engine if he had to, but he’d hate to send a familiar face to the med bay just because he didn’t have a decent tech expert on his team.

 

“Shuttle pilot, I know you’re there-”

 

“GET ME OUT OF THIS THING, HUMAN!”

 

Aelius and Tahir both looked at him expectantly. It wasn’t common - or polite - to call anybody by their species nowadays, and judging by his absolute inability to recognise the voice, if this was a friend, it was a rather old one. The shuttle was doing very fast circles right outside the window. He shrugged the stares off and spoke again.

 

“Have we met?”

 

The answer took a couple seconds to light all the little diodes in his brain.

 

  
*

 

“Very impressive at your age, general," Aelius was, per usual, the only one who didn’t call him captain. “It’s the first time I’ve seen your biotics handle such a large object.”

 

For once, he ignored the turian’s snide remarks in favour of carefully dropping what remained of the vehicle onto the shuttle bay floor. He had confirmed he knew the pilot - and quite possibly the only passenger - but hadn't warned his crew who exactly it was. There was hope that seeing a live krogan for the first time since the mass relays exploded would shut the arrogant young bastard’s mouth.

 

The moment the latch closed and Kaidan’s biotic barrier disappeared, a heavy shape kicked the charred door open and fell out in a rather ungraceful manner. He could hear some gasps from the gunnery team huddled on the side, but he was too busy getting to Grunt before he started shooting that massive shotgun of his.

 

“Alenko!” The krogan coughed at the sight. “Isn’t this a lucky day?”

 

Kaidan thought about it. They were merely refuelling at Sahrabarik when Grunt’s shuttle nearly crashed into their side. If they hadn’t decided to orbit Bindur for a test run of their newly acquired mufflers, the krogan would have gone on in circles until he hit Imorkan. The day definitely seemed lucky from his point of view.

 

“Captain, shall we take the krogan into quarantine?”

 

“No.”

 

“But sir, the regulations...”

 

“I’m invoking Spectre authority, sergeant,” he said tiredly before Vamm’Dora could continue. Grunt smiled at him in that terrifying, all-teeth way of his. “Urdnot Grunt is a- an acquaintance. I will need to speak to him before taking any further steps.”

 

It took a lot more to convince Aelius that he was, indeed, capable of taking a single krogan in case it turned out to be a trap. It took even _more_ to stop Grunt from talking about the damn shuttle (his controls got fried during the escape from mercs on Bindur) and get to the point. By then, the shuttle bay was quiet and empty of all crew but the two of them. Kaidan had the feeling that whatever a krogan was doing in space, it couldn’t be anything good.

 

He wasn’t far from being right.

 

*

 

“I wasn’t very popular on Tuchanka anyway,” Grunt shrugged, his gigantic form barely fitting on the couch in Kaidan’s cabin. “I never cared much for the cure. When Bakara asked me to take this chance, I jumped onto the shuttle.”

 

After whichhe’d promptly proceeded to stalk, wiretap, hack and kidnap his way through the galaxy, intimidating the small fish in the salarian government and the STG administration alike. No big targets, to avoid attention, but enough to start piecing together a less official stance of what happened at the Shroud in 2186.

 

At the end of his story, Grunt grinned, like it helped any. To Kaidan’s dismay, he generally looked like he was having the time of his life as a very unlikely spy, not caring much not just for whatever happened to the cure, but also for Bakara’s political standing if anybody discovered what she’d been trying to do. Alenko respected the female krogan; every time he saw her, he could see the grief and the disappointment, and felt like every one of those times he should spring up another speech about Commander Shepard’s honour and how he couldn’t have knowingly sabotaged anything. Admiral Hackett was very proud of the last one, but he also advised him not to overdo it.

 

“You won’t try and turn me in, right? It would suck to have to space you.”

 

“Besides, I found some good stuff. You’ll like it. It’s great how much you can get away with when you’re invisible. Whoever sold Bakara _that_ tech couldn’t have been clean either.”

 

“You got any ryncol? I hear you carry all sorts of folk ‘round on those fancy new ships. Bet one of them would have something I can wash my mouth with.”

 

“You’re awfully quiet there, Alenko.”

 

Kaidan finally looked up from the floor, where, with his eyes, he was drawing a graph of how much trouble he could get into for trying to smuggle a krogan back into the DMZ.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Any attempts at explaining to Grunt that the United Galactic Force was not created _just_ because of the risk of another krogan rebellion fell short. Kaidan couldn’t blame him: the timing was a little bit too convenient. The fleet was fully formed by the time Clan Urdnot accepted their failure, but wasn't introduced until the whole Krogan DMZ was about to cut off the standard relay access. The sight of twelve frigates outfitted by and staffed with members of all Council species was like a bucket of cold water even for the most aggressive clans.

 

For a brief moment, at the beginning, Kaidan was rather proud of the Council for this initiative. He didn’t feel quite comfortable officially leaving the Alliance, but the uniforms were still blue and getting used to different nomenclature didn’t take that long, either. After that massive fiasco with the Serpent Nebula, the Reaper Invasion still fresh in the memory, the galaxy felt a little bit safer knowing that their best and brightest were now working together without a war hanging over their necks.

 

The idea behind it was simple: those of the Spectres who were respectable enough, and several notable generals of all races, were chosen to command a fleet that answered to the Council, but belonged to the Galaxy.

 

Of course, several years later, all the cracks and holes visible, UGF turned out to be mostly a symbol - powerful, but ambiguous in its loyalty. Still, the crews were put on pedestals and kids could see that the co-operation had its merits. The Spectres were given ships and manpower to do their jobs in a galaxy that contained entire unchecked - or unrepaired - systems just waiting to be polluted by gangs. SSV Shepard, the main vessel of the fleet under the command of an asari general, was tasked only with space exploration and was free to do whatever came to Cerlallis’ mind on the way from one post to another.

 

In short, Kaidan generally went about his business undisturbed, as long as he regularly reported his activities and could prove on evaluations that the missions he chooses were for the good of the Council Space. Dropping a colony check to deliver an illegal krogan spy home shouldn’t even blip on the radars.

 

God, Grunt - the same Grunt who now sat on the floor between his couch and the coffee table, laughing his ass off at one of Kaidan’s datapads - was a spy. Clearly, the world was ending.

 

He needed a really good plan for this.

*

“Grunt.”

 

“That’s right, captain.”

 

“I told you to stop calling me that. Are we talking about the same guy who literally clawed his way through an army of reaperised Rachni?”

 

“I- I think he did do that, yes.”

 

“I _know_ he did. I was there. Scary son of a bitch. I thought he'd gotten himself killed by now.”

 

Grunt snorted in the background. He enjoyed hearing such things, and Kaidan figured his ego couldn’t get any bigger anyway. He wasn’t too keen on asking for help, but if anyone was up for doing stupid, reckless shit these days, it was Captain James Vega.

 

“Well, he’s alive and kicking. I’d consider it a personal favour - ”

 

“Cut the crap, Kaidan. Why do you always talk like a goddamn politician, eh?”

 

Kaidan let himself smile briefly.

 

“It comes with rank, Vega.”

 

“More like it comes with age, _viejo bastardo_.” There was more humour in James' voice now. It was nearly fifteen years since they last played poker, and about as long since they had a tension-free conversation, but even with everybody else gone, Kaidan was glad it was Vega on the other side of the comm. “Alright, I guess I’ll meet you at - ?”

 

And this was where the party started.

 

“Have you spoken to Aria lately, Captain?”

 

*

 

Over the years since the end of the Reaper War, Aria T’Loak shifted  -  or rather expanded - her empire from Omega station to the entire Serpent Nebula. A few of the colonies had been left alone, but where the Citadel used to proudly reside, now there was a gigantic mass of asteroids and space debris, connected by endless corridors, shuttles, and the Pirate Queen’s say-so. Kaidan had only seen it once before and though he was impressed by her resilience, he hoped he would never have to come back.

 

The asari liked to remind him of the fact that The Shepard the whole galaxy mourned a few years ago was so much like her that it was a miracle they didn’t end up fighting for power when the Illusive Man took Omega. That side of John, the one Aria respected, frightened the living daylights out of Kaidan back when he was still capable of fear. He hated seeing the most important person in the galaxy plotting casualties like a krogan warlord and laughing humourlessly at his enemy’s pleas for mercy. He hated even more when, after the plan the Alliance hatched to retake the Serpent Nebula backfired, she let Kaidan live only because Shepard would have come back from his grave to get back at her.

 

"I like living," she said, like she truly believed John’s animated corpse would show up to rearrange her insides if she so much as put biotic dampeners on Alenko. Seeing the fearsome Aria T’Loak losing her marbles, even a little, made Kaidan realise for the first time that even the asari could age.

  
Seeing her take an unhealthy liking to one James Vega, however, made him laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Vega managed to negotiate a whole peace treaty on the condition that he was going to perform that striptease he joked about during the initial gunfight. The feat gave him his long-desired promotion, and his own ship, and if Kaidan mocked him sometimes, well. Nobody else had to know.

 

*

 

“Let me try and get this straight, Vamm."

 

Aelius was clearly not in the highest of spirits. For now, Kaidan decided to pretend he was very much absorbed in his tea and couldn't hear the hushed conversation in the kitchen.

 

“You think the krogan is dangerous. How in the _hell_ did you deduce that? Was it the shotgun? I bet it was the shotgun. Or his giggle, that one is a creeper.”

 

Garrus, had he ever turned back up, would be glad that the vids of him managed to inspire a whole new generation of young, overly talkative turians. Aelius, on the other hand, would never admit to owning Vakarian’s biography and having a misplaced sentiment for sniper rifles, which he notoriously couldn’t use. Kaidan wanted to tell him many, many times that if he knew the real guy, he would get over this crush faster than one could say “let’s name our newborn Shepard”. He never did.

 

“You agree with me!” Vamm'Dora’s voice always had this annoying beehive quality to it. Tali had personally recommended the seven Quarians  -  two soldiers, four engineers and one navigator  -  to join the _Karin_ ’s crew, but she really should have warned him to stay away from Dora when his migraines kicked in.

 

“You know there will be trouble! And before you say anything, I trust the captain’s judgement, I just don’t want this - _krogan_ to take advantage of their friendship! He _shot_ me!”

 

Technically, Grunt only shot _at_ Vamm’Dora. Tasked with assisting a medical check on the krogan, he'd reacted badly to Grunt making snarky comments about Dr Chelles. It was only thanks to Kaidan being on the same floor that the ensuing fight didn’t end with his sergeant needing medical treatment himself.

 

“You’re overreacting. General Alenko is dropping him off close to home anyway, he won’t be troubling you for too long.”

 

“In the _Widow_! Nobody goes to the Widow, you need a pass and, like, an army!”

 

Aelius looked directly at Kaidan and shrugged. He knew his captain had heard every word of the argument from the beginning, and now the Turian was looking for support. Young and a pain in the ass as he might be most of the time, Alenko never wanted another XO in his life. All he had to do was nod his head.

 

“The general is a Spectre, there’s your pass. As for the army, I thought you were more confident with your combat drones.”

 

Kaidan smiled. He usually tried to keep his fondness a secret, _especially_ from Aelius, but his crew had a habit of forgetting that his patience had a limit. He was the quiet guy with the plan and the ship could happily run without his intervention for weeks at a time, so when he decided to emerge from the background, his senior staff fussed and worried and asked if he was _sure_ until he either lost the aforementioned patience or Aelius had a good, turian-style discipline session with the individual. Kaidan was, on a principle, a very patient guy.

 

James didn’t approve of his command manner, but James also had what Kaidan thought of as the Normandy syndrome. They were the last two human crew members still on duty, and so far, Kaidan seemed to be doing a lot better. He didn’t need routine chats with every single soldier on his ground squad to be sure they are ready and focused. Vega’s private opinion counted only aboard the Rio.

 

“I wish you'd just tell me what’s up, General. Why aren't we turning him in?”

 

Aelius sat in front of him, twining his talons together in front of his face, the Kryik family markings barely visible on his pale skin plates. There was a look in his eyes that said there wouldn’t be any getting away with half-truths this time around, but Kaidan had been at this game for a lot longer than some turian punk.

 

“As usual, commander, it comes to the times before you were allowed your own rifle. There are favours involved,” he said simply.

 

“With all due respect...”

 

“You know what I think of that phrase, Kryik.”

 

The turian only grinned at him and continued smoothly, “... _sir_ , I didn’t think you would go all Spectre over a personal favour.”

 

Kaidan always liked to think he wouldn’t. He also always liked to think that he would be long dead or retired by the time he was fifty. His fifty-second birthday came and went unnoticed three weeks ago, and the celebrations were limited to a small glass of whiskey smuggled from Tahir’s personal stash.

 

“Grunt fought alongside us in 2186, Kryik. He was a close... ally.” Kaidan had never really spoken to him properly. He’d heard stories and listened to his and Shepard’s banter, but they never went to battle together - but Aelius didn’t have to know that. “Making him Aria’s problem is just a cherry on the top.”

 

The turian’s eyes widened.

 

“So you _do_ know the Pirate Queen!”


	3. Chapter 3

Travelling through relays was - wasn’t quite what it used to be.

 

“Hang onto your knickers, ladies, this is going to be a bumpy ride,” Tahir warned them, despite the fact that the merest hint of the alarm had the whole crew sitting down and strapped in within seconds. _Karin_ was a tough little ship, but the moment they entered the relay’s field, turbulence began with barely detectable vibrations and slowly built up into full-on tremors that threatened to shake it apart. Even the most experienced crewmen reported panic attacks when it got really bad, and sometimes getting close enough for an actual jump took _hours_.

 

Kaidan had a lifetime to get used to relatively stress-free space travel, at least on the technical side. With the Reaper tech in place, for one thing, no ship had ever been stranded due to a sudden power breakdown, or gotten thrown into another system by a power surge. Quarians and salarians might have given it their best shot, but evidently the damn AIs were just better at intricate calibration, what a surprise. To say that Kaidan absolutely, totally, completely _hated_ the un-Reaperised technology was a severe understatement. At first, he tried the ‘grit your teeth and just wait it out’ approach, but he quickly dropped it in favour of coming up with a temporary stasis field that kept him glued to the co-pilot chair until the worst of the shaking calmed down.

 

This time, he had no such option. Grunt was too big for any of the ship’s safety measures, and while keeping both of them in a biotic bubble wouldn’t be a problem under normal circumstances, the pressure of a relay jump threatened Kaidan with massive migraines if he so much as entertained the thought. He couldn't afford to be anything less than a hundred percent vigilant anywhere on Aria’s grounds.

 

Besides, as far as Grunt was concerned, they were just dropping him off in the Maze - Aria's mercs were rather proud of that quite fitting name - so he could disappear for a couple weeks, let the head hunters think he died in that shuttle. Kaidan did consider that option; he hacked into Grunt's omni-tool when the krogan was asleep and the information he picked up, mostly by blackmailing and threatening the salarian underworld, was mundane at best. Most claimed that Mordin was past his prime and clearly missed a number, but others had data which indicated that his numbers were nothing less than immaculate...

 

He probably could let a krogan spy go. If anybody caught wind of it, he’d quote what he found out and explain that Bakara’s fragile political influence was all that kept Tuchanka’s clans from attempting mass emigration and, by the conditions of the truce from 2193, getting blown out of the sky by three of the UGF vessels guarding the Aralakh relay. He _should_ let Grunt go his own way, if only for old times’ sake.

 

But Grunt was carrying the cloaking technology that only one person in the galaxy had access to, and Kaidan sincerely doubted that Kasumi had parted with it to help out a race of aliens that had no interest in producing anything she could steal. She'd become a rather frequent guest in Anderson’s old flat on the Citadel - occasionally to lift their personal belongings (‘ _For its future value_ ’), but mostly to have a nice chat with somebody who could bear with the amount of stories she had about Kenji, and Kaidan was always a good listener.

 

Why on Earth would she manipulate a grieving krogan matriarch into this insane idea? How could Grunt not _recognise_ the damn cloak, he and Kasumi were on the Normandy at the same time!

 

None of this made sense, and Kaidan couldn’t risk it. He had to - forcibly - deliver Grunt back to Tuchanka, if only to observe who was going to follow.

 

The turbulence grew almost unbearable, then Tahir shouted through the noise: _One, two, THREE!_

 

Finally, they crossed the first relay, but James was only giving him a week to get to The Widow. They didn’t have much time.

 

 

*

 

Of course, obstacles tended to spring up when one was in a rush.

 

“Pirates, Captain,” confirmed Delaney, his comm officer. Kaidan cursed out loud. Tahir was currently going through some pretty impressive manoeuvres to avoid getting hit with the massive stasis field two of the attacking ships spread between them to try and catch _Karin_ in.

 

The pirate fleet consisted of six vessels, and they caught Kaidan by surprise, which didn’t happen often. While travelling to Tesale in Crescent Nebula, both the outcoming and receiving relays - the bane of Kaidan’s entire existence - had power surged, leaving them drifting through Zelene until they reset _Karin’s_ systems and got back on track. Unfortunately, right after they passed Gaelon, these idiots decided that a small UGF ship shouldn’t be a problem for all six of them.

 

“I don’t have time for this,” Kaidan rubbed his temples. Beside him, Grunt looked positively gleeful. Well, when looked at from his perspective...

 

“No way, Grunt!” he barked out, reminding himself of his age, position and how this was not a Blasto movie. “Tahir, engage stealth mode. Do your best to stay out of their line of sight,” he said into his comm link. “Do _not_ fire until I say so, got it? Kryik, get the fire team down to the armory!”

 

“You’re no fun,” Grunt complained, now standing right behind him on the CIC bridge, to get out of the way of his navigators running around. “You’ve got a Cain in your cabin. I could blow _two_ of them up with that.”

 

Damn if that wasn’t tempting. They used to do that, on both of the Normandies; a three-people squad would land somewhere Alliance would normally send an entire platoon, all because Shepard claimed he couldn’t focus with a bigger team and besides, isn’t it _fun_ to have more targets for yourself?

 

They could probably outrun the pirate fleet, sooner or later, maybe shoot one or two down. _Karin_ could double as a feisty combat ship, but not easily under such circumstances. That would cost them fuel, and force a landing at Illium for a cooldown, and to report the attack. If they had one more set of guns - or disabled the stasis field - the whole thing would be done a lot quicker.

 

Kaidan was pressed for time. He could _hear_ Grunt’s teeth showing.

 

*

  


That day was an important lesson for _Karin’s_ crew. If you stick the former Aralakh Company leader on a roof of a shuttle with your biotics, give him an ancient M-920 Cain and some ships to aim at, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve lost your mind. Well, not completely.

 

_“You're insane, General,”_ Aelius’s voice crackled in his comm link as Grunt was climbing back into the shuttle through Elyana’s barrier. The asari corporal’s legs nearly gave away the moment the doors shut and she could drop it. _“The pirates broke their order, looks like they didn’t see this coming. Why would you even keep a Cain in your cabin - sir?”_ He sounded like he couldn’t decide between being impressed and irritated, the ‘sir’ remembered a second too late.

 

“It did come in handy, didn’t it?”

 

_“What if he missed?”_

 

“Let’s be grateful he didn’t,” he replied, more sternly this time; they had to get back to Karin before the remaining pirates regrouped so Tahir could start shooting them, and that didn’t leave a lot of time for chatter. He sincerely doubted the shuttle’s shields, even doubled with his barrier, would survive getting gunned down by three angry pirate frigates.

 

“Told you it would work,” Grunt emanated self-satisfaction. For once, Kaidan couldn’t blame him - the Cain’s blast got two of the ships permanently disabled, and since another one was connected to them through the stasis field, it must have at least suffered a system overload and was now drifting out of the fleet’s array.

 

“They're pretty well equipped for a Terminus System gang,” he said in reply. “I didn’t keep any spare ammo for this guy,” he pointed at the Cain still cradled in Grunt’s hands. “So let’s be careful until we’re actually out of here.”

 

*

 

The last ship wised up and left the system before Tahir and the gunnery team were done with the others. The whole crew was riding on the victorious high, high-fiving each other like over-excited rookies on a first mission. Kaidan looked at them fondly from the back of CIC, waiting for the lift to take him and Grunt upstairs, wishing such raids were still more thrill than annoyance.

 

Another sign of the Normandy Syndrome - it got hard to please a man after flying with a CO whose idea of a relaxing day was to land on a poisonous planet and find a thresher maw to kill. And Kaidan didn’t have it that bad, either. He wasn’t there for the _truly_ exciting occasions, like taking on a Reaper on foot or going through a potentially murderous relay to get the galaxy rid of a whole reaperised species. Sometimes, he wondered if that was what finally drove Garrus into anonymity. You couldn’t advise on peace very well if all you wished for was a way to stop the boredom.

 

“Baby turian seems angry with you,” said Grunt, “Is he going to be a problem?”

 

Kaidan looked in the same direction. Aelius was fuming; after three years of looking at the guy, it was easy to tell.

 

“I don’t think so. He probably wanted to be on the fire team, that’s all.”

 

“Huh.” Grunt crossed his arms. He didn’t sound convinced.

 

*

 

_“Don’t go.”_

 

_Kaidan finally looked at Liara, frustration rising bitterly in his throat. She followed him all the way through the docks and to the lift, falling just a step behind him, her voice quiet and even and saying the same thing over and over again. He expected to at least see a level of desperation on her face, but she looked -_

 

_Liara rarely looked anything but cool and collected lately. Shadow Brokering did wonders for her self-confidence, but Kaidan missed the nervous giggles and nearly virginal blushes. Old Liara would have never held such vital information from him._

 

_“For the last time,” she said as their eyes met. “You have to listen to me, Kaidan.”_

 

_“You aren’t exactly telling me anything!” His voice, in turn, uncovered all the anger and impatience he tried to bottle down. “All I know is that Wrex is dead and Shepard is drinking himself stupid, and you don’t want me to_ check _on him?”_

 

_She looked away, expression not changing even in the slightest. “Garrus and Cortez are keeping an eye on him. All your presence will accomplish is - ”_

 

_For a second, she looked at loss for words. The mere contrast with everything she had been for the last months made Kaidan wait for the rest of this sentence._

 

_“He - he is very angry, Kaidan,” she started over. “And very intoxicated.”_

 

_“I know,” he cut in. “Which is_ exactly _why I want to make sure he’s okay.”_

 

_They had this little deal going, with Shepard not allowed to drink unless under supervision. His Cerberus-funded liver filtered alcohol with such efficiency John found it hard not to give himself alcohol poisoning when trying to get tipsy. Garrus, on the other hand, had a bad habit of indulging commander’s taste for cheap liquor._

 

_Liara’s face was once again like it was made of stone._

 

_“He isn’t okay.”_

 

_Kaidan rolled his eyes and turned to the lift. She entered it with him._

 

_“Have I ever told you what happened after Virmire, Kaidan?”_

 

_He shrugged uneasily. Nobody had pleasant memories from that night. He'd been unable to sleep, stuck to a cot in the med bay, feeling his migraine spreading to the back of his skull. He never felt the need to know how the others dealt with losing Ashley. With Shepard, it was plain enough - he locked himself in his cabin and drank. He looked like hell next day._

 

_He didn’t even_ like _Ash. The whole crew knew that Shepard and Williams were at each other’s throats from day one._

 

_“I went to his cabin at night. To -_ check _on him.” The way she spit those words out made him tense even more. He was set on finding whichever dingy hole Shepard was losing himself in and she was not changing his mind._

 

_“Did you know we were, ah, involved? Back on  the SR-1?”_

 

_Kaidan hadn't known. She gave him a weak smile, as if to apologise for how John never talked about anything that counted as the past. It explained a lot, but, just like that smile, it didn’t really matter. They finally arrived in the Wards; Liara immediately started walking towards the stairs leading down, leaving Kaidan a few steps behind._

 

_“Suffice to say, I didn’t help any,” she said, when he caught up._

 

_“Get to the point, Doc.”_

 

_“He screamed a lot. Tried to pick a fight, but I was too afraid to talk back, so he just kicked me out and kept drinking. He couldn’t meet my eyes for days afterwards,” she said, almost bitterly. She stopped in front of the cab terminal. “That was three years ago, Kaidan. Today, John was forced to kill a treasured friend. You know he will blame himself.”_

 

_“Are you saying - ”_

 

_“I’m saying he will take it out on you in front of whatever tabloids stalk him into clubs, and you_ will _fight back. We do not have time to spare for Commander Shepard to wallow in self-doubt because he took a swing at his partner in a public place!”_

 

_She left Kaidan standing at that damned cab terminal, torn and indecisive, Flux’s neon lights winking at him from one side and her cold, cold words stabbing his ribs from the other._

 

*

 

“Sir?”

 

Kaidan nearly jumped out of his chair. Aelius gave him the turian version of a suspicious look, unaware of the memory he interrupted - the kind that he made his best not to recall very often.

 

“Sorry, Kryik. You startled me,” he apologised. “How can I help you?”

 

“It’s zero three hundred, general, and that coffee went cold hours ago. I heard the krogan singing rather offensive battle songs in your cabin. Am _I_ the one who needs help?”

 

Kaidan had needed to get away from Grunt for a while; he couldn’t really leave him alone anywhere but in the safety of the CO’s quarters. The crew deck had been a lot less empty when he'd come here for coffee - was it really five hours ago? Aelius loomed over him in a way that almost brought on another memory, hands behind his back and a very carefully guarded expression all intact.

 

“Looks like I lost track of time. What’s our status?”

 

“We are approaching the Maze in three hours. Captain Vega left a message. He wants to meet us in the underground terminal in Section C. He said we should find it easily.”

 

“For the last time,” the words tasted odd in his mouth. “This is a Spectre assignment, Kryik. I know things have been quiet lately, but you _have_ to stay with the crew.”

 

“ _For the last time,_ ” the turian mimed him in a manner that bordered on insubordination. “I disagree, sir. A full-on pirate assault on an UGF vessel is about as far from quiet and normal as possible.”

 

Right. This again. Liara’s blank face flashed in the back of his head, mouthing don’t go and he - he’d had enough for today. Aelius must have sensed the change in his mood as he took a couple steps back and looked down at the table.

 

“All I’m saying, general - ”

 

“Permission to speak freely _denied_ , commander,” he cut in, ignoring the surprised look on Kryik’s face. “The assignment will take me approximately twenty-four to forty-eight hours, during which I do not wish to be disturbed. I think some of the crew deserve shore leave - just make sure they know to keep away from Paradise.

 

“As for you, commander,” Kaidan stood up, finally realising how unhappy his back was with sitting in this goddamn chair for so long. “You are to stay onboard and make sure everything is ready for us to get the hell out of the Widow the moment I’m back. Understood?”

 

Aelius didn’t say anything for a few long seconds. When he looked up, the barely contained anger was so clear in his expression Kaidan almost felt bad about all this.

 

“Aye aye, sir.”

 

“Great. I’ll be in the armory if anything comes up. Dismissed.”

  
He was vaguely aware that he’d be getting repaid for this in full; Aelius had this way of being an insolent little snot if denied a treat. That wasn’t something he had to deal with until later, though. Right now, he had three hours to prepare for the Maze.


	4. Chapter 4

If Kaidan felt like being fair to Aria - which was under no circumstances a healthy idea and proved just how cut off from normality he was - the Maze was sort of beautiful.

 

Of course, when you got to the bottom of it, to the living quarters, the seedy nightclubs and dodgy marketplaces, it wasn’t that different from Omega. Anarchy and easy access to firepower didn’t make an ideal match even on a good day, and in the Maze, good days happened only to those whose firepower was substantial. Poverty and disease paired up and bred in the civilian sectors faster than new batches of fresh-faced, self-appointed mercenaries arrived in Docking Bay 12. The rumour was that if an inexperienced idiot landed there with his own gun and lived through the decontamination, Aria would be amused enough to let him continue on his way.

 

Yet, as the station grew closer and closer, and his shuttle pilot negotiated docking privileges with some bored salarian over the comm, Kaidan felt a sense of nostalgia. He tried not to go there very often, but he couldn’t help but think how much fun John would have in this place. The endless corridors, highways, power pipes connecting the mass of space junk that a crazy crime lord decided to call dibs on, the biggest non-natural station built in this cycle, nearly 16 million individuals all scrounging up on these rocks and building their little termite mounds despite lack of resources and not even an illusion of safety... All in place of a squeaky clean, politically correct Citadel. You couldn’t find a better metaphor for how the Invasion changed the galaxy if you combed through it. If nothing else, Kaidan could respect a good metaphor.

 

Besides him, Grunt fiddled with his tactical cloak and cursed at the interface a few times before blinking out of view. The technology was truly remarkable - he was all but undetectable, unless you bumped into him. Kaidan was actually surprised at the lack of gossip surrounding a krogan showing up on Illium and then disappearing like a bad smell until he’d seen what the cloak was capable of.

 

“You could just drop me off, y’know. Don’t need a fake ID to get a drink ‘round here.”

 

There, barely audible, were the first signs of suspicion. Grunt probably didn’t recognise them himself, but then again, Kaidan wasn’t about to underestimate his intellectual prowess, as unlikely as it could be. The krogan was a fine warrior, one of the best, and getting on his bad side was not in the plan for the evening, but the game would only last for so long. Eventually, Grunt would realise what was going on. Hopefully, by then, Vega’s end of the story would be covered.

 

“It’s my ass on the line here,” he replied. It took a lot of manoeuvring to contact James when Grunt wasn’t in the same room and he could only hope none of his crew decided that this one time was the perfect opportunity to gossip about Spectre matters on the extranet. Aelius had snickered when he got the memo regarding confidentiality clause onboard all UGF vessels.

 

Finally, the shuttle descended into the docking bay. Kaidan shared a few words with the pilot, checking if he knew the time schedule, that leaving a shuttle on its own anywhere near this area would shortly result in the unexplained lack of a shuttle, that should any of the lucky crewmates on shore leave need emergency extraction Commander Kryik was authorised to make the decision - he caught himself before he started listing the regulations for causing damage to UGF property. The snort coming out of thin air beside him probably helped.

 

He was nervous, he realised, as they left the pilot behind and approached the arrivals desks. Not about the plan, not about the short journey through the underbelly of the Maze, and definitely not about Grunt’s response to both; it was like an itch at the back of his neck, one that intensified the longer he thought about it. When the krogan gave him a little nudge in the lift to let him know he was still there, Kaidan decided he was having a Bad Feeling, capital letters fully deserved, about the whole thing. There wasn’t any logic to it, but he couldn’t stop it either. Suddenly, all of his old paranoid instincts started kicking in at once, and five seconds later he was scanning the elevator for bugs.

 

“What’s up?” said the disembodied voice.

 

“Shh,” was his only response. Not that the omni-tool picked anything up. Nobody seemed to follow them when they arrived at Level -6 and marched through the ominously quiet street to the Trade Centre, where Vega was supposed to be waiting for them.

 

The Trade Centre, not quite worthy of the capitals, had a massive central terminal in the middle where all the Maze’s economics happened - mostly to somewhere else. A pretty big crowd gathered around it at all times, either for the data or the showmanship of the batarian in charge of it. Private terminals scattered around the main one cost a hundred credits per hour to rent out, but guaranteed all the privacy you needed... as long as you didn’t need to keep a secret from Aria.

 

Luckily, that wasn’t the case tonight.

 

Vega was hard to miss, and clearly not anywhere inside the building. Kaidan swore quietly, and a not all that discreet nudge followed almost immediately.

 

“It smells funny here, Alenko.”

 

“I know. Stay outside and keep a lookout for any trouble, I’ll try to raise him,” he said. Quickly, he transferred the credits to the nearest terminal, a square-ish box fully equipped with data feeds and holoprojectors inside. Kaidan didn’t pay attention to them; his first message to Vega came back unsent.

 

He wasn’t, technically speaking, allowed to use Alliance channels, seeing as he was specifically lectured by the ever-fatherly Admiral Hackett to stop hacking into their comms whenever he got frustrated with his salarian-engineered UGF version. Fortunately, Hackett had also gone a little soft on the folk who survived being friends with Shepard. Kaidan didn’t have time to consider the ethics of breaking into Vega’s Alliance-issued emergency communication system.

 

_\- BEEEEEEP -_

 

“What the- ”

 

To say that he was merely startled by being dragged out of the terminal by Grunt’s invisible hand would be a little unfair to the unmanly squeak he made. Kaidan managed to get himself mostly upright and catch up to look like he was just walking in a funny manner, but he could tell that some of the less friendly faces were recognising him as a Spectre. Grunt was all but running to the exit, pushing people aside and appearances be damned.

 

“I should’ve known you’d be in on the joke,” he growled as they made it through the door.

 

Kaidan figured explanations would be received in private, and he wasn’t wrong; as soon as the krogan found an empty alley, his back was painfully introduced to the wall. He hadn’t quite recovered from the impact when Grunt blinked back into view and went for his throat, but he still managed to jump to the side and pull up a barrier, just in time to have it nearly destroyed by a half-assed concussive shot.

 

The fight didn’t take long. Grunt was angry and not really paying attention to his surroundings, while Kaidan - well, Kaidan was still alive fifteen years later, and not for the lack of effort on the part of all the people he’d pissed off in the meantime. After Aria put him to the ground that one time, he made damn sure it wouldn’t happen again.

 

Soon enough, he had Grunt in stasis, his shotgun in a dumpster at the back end of the alley, and only a few hairs out of place to show he’d broken a sweat.

 

“Are we done?” he asked. “Because I think Vega is in trouble. I’d rather know what I’m getting into trying to find him, if you have any clues.”

 

There was no point in trying to convince Grunt here and now that Kaidan wasn’t even aware of any jokes to begin with. The krogan deflated a little bit with the defeat, but there was a stubborn set to his jaw. It wasn’t like they could just part ways, because there were a _lot_ of questions that Alenko really wanted answers for.

 

Besides, if Vega was actually in trouble - and he’d probably be fine, he was a tough guy and wouldn’t just die without first letting Kaidan know there was a party happening - having a krogan on your side was a lot better than having said krogan on the enemy side.

 

“He’ll be with that blue bitch,” was all Grunt had to say the moment Kaidan let the stasis field down.

 

“Aria.” Kaidan considered this scenario for a moment. “That’s... not good at all.”

 

“Hmpf.”

 

“Vega has a free pass with her, though. Why would she suddenly - ”

 

“You really don’t know anything?”

 

By this point, Kaidan was getting fed up with all the cryptic comments. Before he managed to voice his annoyance, he felt the hairs rise on his forearms. When he looked at Grunt, the krogan nodded so slightly the gesture was barely noticeable.

 

A rain of fire fell on them the second he put up a barrier. At least that meant Kaidan’s paranoia was justified. He shouldn’t be relieved, really. Grunt looked yearningly after his shotgun.

 

“How long can you keep this up?”

 

“Take your time.”

 

Backing into the alley instead of out of it wasn’t the brightest idea, but Grunt just turned his cloak on and let Kaidan entertain their company with a couple well-placed lifts while he retrieved his gun. The two snipers that fell off the roof wore dark, unmarked armour of a lot better quality than you could usually find in the Maze.

 

Soon, they were surrounded. Grunt came back to his side, a shotgun waving around in the air seemingly on its own, while Kaidan’s barrier took a beating it hadn’t experienced since the run to the beam, blue sparks flying from its surface at every shot. When the krogan fired into the first wave of footmen entering the alley, the second just stepped over the bodies. Clearly, they meant business, if by business one meant grinding Grunt’s big bones into a very fine dust.

 

“Did you end up stealing any of those grenades from my armory?”

 

“Nah, they were tiny.”

 

Kaidan could hear Grunt reload with some difficulty, the cloak crackling when the shotgun went past it’s limited range. He plucked the remaining snipers off the roof and onto their comrades’ heads to give the krogan more time.

 

“Well, we could have used some right now.” Grunt’s muffled ‘ _ha_ ’ sounded slightly irritated.

 

“I’ll cover you while you shockwave the hell out of their asses?” he offered, but Kaidan shook his head.

 

“That’s Jack’s party trick.”

 

The visible bit of the shotgun suddenly went still. After a couple of seconds,Grunt’s voice was full of annoyed bewilderment:

 

“You can’t shockwave?”

 

“I would have to drop my barrier to take them all out,” Kaidan explained, slightly offended.

 

The guy at the front of the footmen stopped his soldiers and attempted to say something, but must have heard the exchange. Every gun was trained back on Kaidan, since Grunt made an unreliable target with his shotgun flying in and out of view. If they didn’t coordinate it right, Alenko would end up meeting a lot more pressure than his standard UGF uniform could handle.

 

“One last time!” the leader shouted. The heavy armour hid it well, but the voice was clearly a woman’s. “General Alenko! We are here for the krogan! Put down your barrier and we promise to let you go unharmed!”

 

Huh. Clearly a human, then, old enough to be used to calling Kaidan by his previous title, probably ex-Alliance. He wondered if they ever served together. Maybe she stayed on the station when the Alliance backed out in 2195. Not that any of it was important, because while Alenko recognised all the upsides to giving Grunt up and not becoming Swiss cheese, the misplaced sense of Normandy-brand loyalty and all the questions the krogan had answers to stopped him. Besides, if Kaidan had any rules about dealing with mercenaries, first one was not to take their word on anything, especially with his ass on the line.

 

“Or,” he said, loud enough to be heard clearly but not quite shouting, “You leave and I don’t hurt anybody.”

 

“That’s not an option, general.”

 

“They can’t touch you,” said Grunt. He sounded halfway between surprised and disappointed, and not very interested in the proceedings at all. One would think being Kaidan’s easy way out would make him a little more nervous. “Means she’s finally paying attention.”

 

The mercenaries’ leader started looking a little uncomfortable. There was probably a voice supplying information straight into her ear, and she didn’t seem to be happy about it. Not that Kaidan could say for sure, with the helmet on and all. Grunt uncloaked to cock his shotgun at her properly, then looked at Alenko and grinned:

 

“I knew running into you was my lucky day.”

 

“What the hell is going on, Grunt? Is it Aria? Because you really should have told me.”

 

“Hey, I didn’t know you were buddies!”

 

“We’re not! Why does she want you dead so much?”

 

The leader fired a warning shot at the barrier and pointed at some of her men preparing biotic dampeners. Kaidan didn’t worry about them for the moment; he and Jack once spent a couple of very productive months coming up with failsafes for such occasions.

 

“It’s not Aria,” Grunt’s voice was mostly teeth. “She just owes our pal the Shadow Broker a favour, or seven.”

 

_“What?”_

 

The Shadow Broker’s power in galactic terms had grown stupidly strong over the last decade, so Kaidan really shouldn’t be all that surprised. He himself wasn’t particularly in favour of Grunt’s little adventure. Still, there was an entire murder squad meters away from them with the sole purpose of shooting the krogan’s brains out. That seemed to be overkill for keeping the Aralakh System’s status quo.

 

“Right. So these people,” Kaidan gestured broadly in the mercenaries’ general direction, “Are the Broker’s wet squad?”

 

He looked at the leader expectantly, but she just shrugged, then held both of her hands up and slowly bent one little finger. The countdown had started.

 

“Yup.”

 

“And they have been on our asses since Sahrabarik?”

 

Eight.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Is there something else you’re not telling me, Grunt?”

 

Seven. Six. The leader was just about to bend her fifth finger, all the while looking directly at Kaidan, probably thinking he would crack under the pressure. She had another think coming. At his side, Grunt made a thoughtful sound, considering the question.

 

Then, too many things happened at once. As the leader made a gesture at one of her soldiers, at the same time an explosion knocked the last row of them out. Grunt laughed and began to speak just as Kaidan’s comm link came back to life and Vega’s voice spluttered through the connection:

 

_“I would’ve put my armour on if you told me it was an occasion!”_

 

“Well, long story short...”

 

“FIRE!”

 

Kaidan had just about enough time to curse the timing, then figured he might as well give that shockwave idea a chance.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time the dust settled, Kaidan’s brain managed to process that there weren’t any more hostiles to take out. There weren’t any more allies to protect, either, or so he thought until James carefully stuck his head out from behind the corner.

 

“Hey, Kaidan, you still in one piece there?”

 

“Kaidan? Kaidan, can you - oh _mierda_ , is that Grunt?”

 

“Ugh. Can I have your medigel? Cause I don’t think Grunt here will be asking for any.”

 

“Too soon?”

 

“You’re still glowing blue, you know that, right?”

 

“Kaidan, I really, _really_ need you to say something. You’re freaking me out.”

 

Vega’s voice came in clear as day, going from a low buzz of worry to something increasingly desperate, yet Kaidan was unable to move. He was still glowing, covered in blood from head to toe, and his temples were doing the emergency combustion thing they liked to do after he overheated his amps. It took all the remaining brain cells he had to remember that breathing was an easy task and didn’t normally end in one’s demise.

 

“Are you going to be sick? You look like you’re going to be sick. Aim away from Grunt, he’s had enough for today.”

 

Kaidan obediently turned away from the krogan’s body, fell on his knees and proceeded to throw his guts up. Vega limped closer at some point, patted his back, then snatched the medigel packet from his belt. A minute and some Spanish obscenities later, the other man let out a loud hiss of relief.

 

“Hey, at least we’re alive. I wasn’t counting on that.”

 

It wasn’t exactly a laugh, but Kaidan did snort through the bile, and the final effect was not pretty. He attempted to wipe his mouth on his forearm, but it was covered in somebody’s insides. Slumping down even more, Kaidan sort of wished he was one of those people who passed out and made everything somebody else’s problem. Vega certainly deserved it.

 

“Come on, we need to get you to your ship. Comm somebody over.”

 

He shook his head. The last thing he needed right now was for a panicked Aelius to bring in a fire team, ‘just in case’, and for all of them to see this carnage.

 

All Kaidan could remember wanting to do was to make a path to the end of the alley, to Vega, but then a bullet flew too close to his temple for comfort, and Grunt said... words, nonsense, and very shortly after that both of them lost their heads.

 

One in a more literal sense than the other.

 

It hadn’t happened since one of his Spectre assignments on Earth, way before UGF. Back then, exposed to intoxicating substances and critically outnumbered, he had a pretty good reason to snap the way he did, and the Council never asked him about the casualties. Jack hacked into the report, cackled, then bought him a cake for joining the psychotic biotics team.

 

At his age, with control he had over his powers so fine that asari were writing books about it, he really, really shouldn’t be unleashing a slash so wide it cut through a small army of well-outfitted mercenaries like a knife through butter. He might have also exploded the front row of them, God only knew how. He’d never done that before.

 

“Alright, it’s your call. But we still need to get out of here, and fast. Won’t be easy, unless you fancy coming back for Mr Stiff.”

 

They ended up breaking into a nearby flat, Kaidan still wobbly on his feet and definitely not putting in his share of the effort in carrying Grunt’s body up the stairs. They took turns taking a shower, and Vega wrote a little note for the residents, apologising for the mess and promising they haven’t stolen anything. Then they sat down on the kitchen chairs and very carefully didn’t look at each other.

 

“So.” James was first to break the silence. “Everything was going according to our plan. _Then_ Aria got a Very Important Call,” he waved his hands around to emphasise the capital letters marking the call’s importance, “and _flipped out_. She took my gun and told me to stay put, then locked the door behind her. I had to jump out of a window and hijack a car to get away.”

 

Kaidan shrugged. He was exhausted, the migraine pounding at the base of his skull, the smell of blood still sticky on his uniform. There was a sentence, half-lost in the midst of the other sounds of battle, in the shrill noise of a bullet hitting a krogan skull, that he couldn’t have heard, yet it refused to leave his mind. There were questions crowding down in his throat, each one of them wanting to escape first, but the only person he could aim them at was now a lifeless form on the floor, half of his head a gory mess slowly leaking over the soft carpet. Suddenly, Kaidan felt like he was going to be sick again.

 

“Look, man - Kaidan?”

 

*

 

“...seems to be in shock and, well, there’s the migraine. I don’t see any other injuries.”

 

“Thank you, doctor. You are dismissed.”

 

“Commander, perhaps it would be wise to leave-”

 

“ _Dismissed_ , doctor.”

 

There was a dramatic sigh, then steps. A low whistle, coming presumably from Vega. Shuffling of chairs.

 

“I don’t believe we’ve been formally introduced, captain - ”

 

“Does Kaidan teach you to talk like that? Cause it’s getting on my nerves.”

 

More shuffling. Another sigh. There were quiet, discreet sounds of medical equipment working around him.

 

“Jesus, kid, _relax_ , I’m off duty.”

 

“What happened in there, captain?”

 

“No clue. I don’t know much about biotics, but I can tell you one thing - even _tonto_ here doesn’t normally spike this high. Something must have provoked him.”

 

“Did he say anything?”

 

“Nope. Not a word.”

 

Kaidan remembered feeling overwhelmed, breathing becoming harder and harder with each inhale, until Vega’s huge hand connected with his face. In a brief moment of stinging clarity, he recognised the signs of a panic attack, had about enough time to hate himself for it, then another slap reminded his head of the migraine and voted for time-out. He must have been under for at least a few hours, if James had managed to figure out how to contact his crew and transport him to _Karin_.  

 

“Not like Kaidan to freak out, at any rate. What are your orders?”

 

“Stay put, then get out of the system when captain comes back. Only, he’s early, so people are still on shore leave and - ”

 

“ - this wasn’t how he was supposed to come back, I get it. I’d stay too.”

 

Painkillers made him unable to so much as open his eyes, and there was that special cushion under his neck which allegedly helped his implants go back to their normal temperature in a non-invasive way. He was surprisingly comfortable, and soon enough, asleep.

 

*

 

When he woke up, he was in his cabin, the inbox notifier on his omni-tool flashing at a worrying pace. Kaidan couldn’t force himself to care; he was trying too hard to sustain the fleeting memory of holding somebody in his arms.

 

It didn’t work; it never did. As he got up - slowly, carefully, feeling every minor injury like it happened seconds, not hours ago - the thought of checking on the state of affairs dawned on him like an unwanted medical appointment. He decided to ignore it for now, just as he decided to ignore his flashing omni-tool and a neat stack of datapads on the desk that hadn’t been there when he and Grunt left the cabin.

 

There was no rush and he needed to - he needed to think.

 

In the shower, he visualised every interaction with Grunt in his head. The image of the drunken, trouble-seeking young idiot he met at Shepard’s party was too easy to project onto the krogan. When you took it away, you were left with an experienced, fearless warrior who overcame his personal shortcomings - if being developed in a test tube could be considered a shortcoming - to become one of Wrex’s most trusted clan members. Kaidan was foolish to assume the years in forced containment, even if the prison was an entire planet, didn’t affect him.

 

There were certain signs, if he knew to look for them before. Grunt knew Kaidan would be more interested in his spy work, and clearly had a few stories he was more than ready to share. His omni-tool wasn’t too easy to hack, but didn’t prove a challenge for anybody with proper tech training either - one would think a mission as important as his would call for better security. Then there was this complete ignorance on the origin of his cloak, which should really have set more alarms in Kaidan’s head than it had.

 

He wasn’t just foolish - he was careless. Bakara would never have sent one of her best agents, disgraced or not, on a priority mission without making sure they were fully prepared. Grunt must have figured out Kaidan’s true intentions a lot faster than anybody would have given him credit for. He went along because - well, now it was rather obvious that he had worse things to fear than being escorted safely back to Tuchanka.

 

_“Well, long story short...”_

 

The Shadow Broker’s involvement led Kaidan to believe that Grunt was possibly not insane. Sending a murder squad was usually deemed to be a last course of action, so the Broker must have needed Grunt very, very dead. She probably didn’t think Grunt would share his intel with anybody, let alone another Normandy crew member, otherwise Kaidan wouldn’t be breathing on his own anymore -

 

Of course, there was also that. He didn’t often think of the Shadow Broker in terms of his old friend. The Liara he knew and the institution he encountered numerous times during his Spectre assignments had drastically different methods, so he chose to... not remember. Still, he was fairly sure there has not been a change on the top chair in that department. Grunt might just have been making sense, then. If there was anybody to stand behind such a level of secrecy, the Shadow Broker was your best guess.

 

_“Shepard’s alive. They’re hiding him ou-”_

 

_BANG._

 

_Krogan brains on the side of Kaidan’s face._

 

And boy, did he lose it.

 

Most of the Spectre targets he got to face taunted him with Shepard’s death, how he wasn’t there to stop it or other silly insinuations. Kaidan wasn’t in habit of falling for them. It took a while, but he’d made peace with the fact that John wasn’t around anymore - he’d done it before, after all, even if the pain was slightly less defined back after the Collectors' attack.

 

Yes, deep inside, he always wished he could have the other man back, but he wasn’t twelve anymore. Just because he wanted something very, very much, wouldn’t make it possible. His reaction to Grunt’s words was therefore mostly fuelled by the pre-fight adrenaline rush and surprise at that unexpected head explosion, not the realisation that the krogan could be saying the truth. He was just angry that he couldn’t ask any more questions.

 

Kaidan didn’t let his emotional side lead too often. It usually ended up in dangerous injuries or blowing mercenaries up. The idea that the body buried in London was somehow a fake was already taking a strangely strong hold on his heart, but he wasn’t about to just... go with it. There were facts to be checked, omni-tools to be hacked.

 

A krogan matriarch to notify. His day was only going to get better from now on.

 

*

 

_If he didn’t pay attention, Kaidan had the tendency to worry his parents more than necessary._

 

_“Honey? Is everything alright?”_

 

_His mum was standing in respectable distance; there was no fear in her eyes, but she was looking at him in that suspicious way she’d developed when he first started breaking things with his biotics. Sure enough, once she brought him back above the surface, he realised he was glowing blue and all that was left of his cup of coffee was the handle he kept a hold of._

 

_“Uh, yes,” he mumbled, crouching down to pick up the broken glass and wipe the growing coffee stain. “Just - something in the news report. I have to make a call.”_

 

_And just like that, his first vacation in over fourteen months ended three days in._

 

_Of course, he’d heard the rumours before. A new player arrived on Omega and every private thought it was the second coming. Rumours, however, were only rumours; the Admiralty Board sent out a memo stating that the sightings were being investigated, but until anything was proven, Commander Shepard was to be treated with all the honours of a soldier killed in action. And that was exactly what Kaidan did, whispers of Cerberus and missing colonists passing over his head._

 

_Until this news report hit the front page of his mum’s favourite tabloid. A blurry, low-definition holo taken with a cheap omni-tool, showing a human with shaved head and a fully-armoured turian with a blue visor over his eye shopping in the Zakera Ward on the Citadel. The headline screamed: ‘THE THIRD SIGHTING’. It made his mouth dry._

 

_Kaidan prided himself on being level-headed and always in control, occasional broken utensils notwithstanding. Which was why, when Anderson’s assistant finally lost patience and told him that the Admiral would not have time to take his call today, or this week, he didn’t immediately jump into the next shuttle to the Citadel to find out for himself. It would have taken time, credits and a big chance that by the time he arrived, the mysterious ship with the Cerberus insignia would be long gone._

 

_Instead, he lied to his parents about being suddenly called back on duty, cut his vacation short and volunteered to monitor Cerberus activity on one of the colonies in the endangered area._

 

_He spent the best part of the last two years coming to terms with the fact that the Normandy - that Shepard was dead. It was easier to try and remember that there was no point getting his hopes up now._

 

_Yet by the time his transport to Horizon took off, there was this strangely strong conviction in his gut that -_ maybe _…_

 

*

 

Looking back, he should have gone to the goddamn Citadel straight away.

 

James was still talking. The talking was nearly constant since Kaidan sent Aelius away four hours ago; when he wasn't talking, he was stomping around the crew deck angrily, gathering more words to shower Alenko with. Over the last ten minutes his frustration seemed to slowly cross the boiling point into a deep, furious sea of considered violence, but Kaidan allowed his barrier to light up as a warning before it got out of control.

 

He had a fairly busy morning. The Council received his call instantly, having been notified that _Karin_ had changed course and ended up in hostile territory. Kaidan had to climb levels of diplomatic truth-omitting he never thought himself capable of - all it took was the realisation that if they knew anything about Shepard being alive, they'd have made their damn sure he didn't try to follow the leads he acquired. It was very, _very_ unlike Kaidan to lie to his superiors with a straight face. The moment he stepped out of the Q.E.C. room, James and Aelius all but jumped on him demanding answers.

 

He almost felt sorry for them. Kryik was still angry at the treatment he received before, but Kaidan could see he was worried, too. They’d cooperated on quite close a level for three years now and he'd never seen his captain behave this way - in the turian military, he'd have already requested a psych check. James could find himself in deep shit if a word of what he'd been doing during his leave reached the Alliance, so it only made sense that he wanted to know what was going on.

 

He _did_ feel sorry for them, but explanations were not an option at this point. If he was wrong, Aelius would probably request that psych check, at best. At worst, he'd never trust him again.

 

So there he was, stuck in a hideously uncomfortable chair in the mess hall. He had a good view on both the elevator and the med bay door, a pile of datapads to go through and a lot of thoughts to process. Vega's insistent chatter proved to be only a minor annoyance in the face of problems such as carefully wording a message to Urdnot Bakara and making it sound like he _honestly_ didn't know how Grunt's body ended up this way.

 

Dr Chelles was, first, a doctor. For a salarian, he sported an unusually strong ethic code when it came to his profession and had on one occasion refused his captain extra migraine medicine, on the account of how addictive it proved to be. Kaidan, for the first time in his life, cursed Dr Chakwas and her soft heart as his body went through detox in all its glory. Asking the guy to strip a krogan body to bone marrow, if that meant he found the evidence Kaidan needed, was a conversation he didn't want to repeat anytime soon.

 

“Why am I even here? I should be enjoying my holidays, not stuck with a _demente_ \- ”

 

“I offered to take you back to your quarters,” he interrupted, putting his datapad aside. Vega stopped in his tracks, surprised at the fact that Kaidan has actually spoken. “The offer still stands.”

 

Of course, Vega's official quarters were in Bekenstein, not in Aria's apartment, but he was about ready to spare a shuttle just to get rid of the other man. Even if he was _right_ , Kaidan wasn't convinced Vega was the right person to witness it; after all, he was still tied to Alliance, and they were a lot less forgiving about suddenly running off to 'check a few leads'.

 

It troubled him a little bit, how easy he could imagine abandoning his duty, his _everything_ , if Shepard was alive. Then again, his everything meant a good deal less without Shepard in the picture.

 

James opened his mouth to reply, his brow furrowed, when Tahir's voice boomed through the intercom.

 

“ _Captain_ ,” he said, “ _Commander Kryik has encountered an obstacle and requests your advice.”_

 

“Put him on my omni-tool.” Kaidan risked a glance at James, who by then turned his face to still angry, but slightly curious setting. “Commander?”

 

Wherever he was, Aelius's signal was terrible. His face on the omni-tool's screen was distorted and the static in the background made it nearly impossible to make out the words.

 

“ _Captain, I'm currently two blocks away from my navpoint. Something seems to be blocking our frequency from here on.”_

 

Sending Aelius to the Trade Centre seemed like a good idea at the time. UGF could never have enough intel on what the Shadow Broker's employees were wearing this season, none of the Spectres would be able to dig into his report in case they stumbled upon the site and most importantly, the assignment would keep the commander out of Kaidan's hair for at least several hours.

 

“Is it just UGF it's blocking?” he asked. Aria made a point of doing everything in her space openly; if she wanted Kaidan to pay for the damage, she would just shoot whoever approached the alley. This wasn't her style. Aelius looked away from his omni-tool to confirm something with Vamm'Dora.

 

_“It looks like a beacon, it's preventing all communication around the area. I can pinpoint its location.”_

 

Kaidan rubbed his face. This wasn't a problem he was prepared for.

 

_“I could leave Dora here and shout if we need anything, sir. Lieutenant Domna had a look before and she didn't see any hostiles.”_

 

There was a hissy sound through static, probably Vamm protesting against the idea. Kryik had a point, though - Aria wouldn't stick around without lots of burly-looking mercenaries to show off it was her, and the Shadow Broker methods were usually more subtle than planting a beacon on a rooftop.

 

“Stay under the radar,” he said, after a moment of consideration. “Find and, if possible, disable the beacon first. Fall back if you encounter any non-civilians.”

 

“ _Aye aye, captain,_ ” Aelius's voice blurred when he repeated the order to his team. “ _I'll report within thirty minutes._ ”

 

The communication cut off, leaving Kaidan staring at a blank screen. Again, he chanced a look at Vega, whose expression looked even stormier.

 

“You let that kid go onto Aria's ground? What's _wrong_ with you?”

 

“Aelius can handle himself.” Many didn't believe that, until they came to face the turian in action. “Unless you told her anything, all Aria knows is that we were to meet somewhere in sector G. It'd take her more than a single cycle to find the exact location.”

 

Vega's mouth closed, then opened, then closed again. Kaidan was possibly the only person alive out of the Maze's influence who knew of his relationship with the Pirate Queen, and the amount of time it took James to respond was slightly worrying.

 

“ _Aelius_ is just a kid.”

 

“He’s an UGF commander. The youngest one, if I recall correctly.”

 

“Still, he's not prepared for Aria. You sent him there so he doesn't ask too many questions, fair fucking enough,” Vega's snarl nearly sent Kaidan's translator into krogan territory. “But you can't have him run into a trap - you can't risk - ”

 

“Unless Aria knows _exactly_ what the plan was, there's no trap, James,” he let the slight accusation settle before he continued. The other man didn't seem to take offence, which did wonders to quiet down the paranoid little voices at the back of Kaidan's skull.

 

Vega just barely set his hands on the table, ready to finally voice exactly what was on his mind over the last four hours, when the door to the med bay slid open. At the sight of Dr Chelles, Kaidan got out of his chair, his whole body tensing. Seeing that, James turned around as well, the frown on his face disappearing to make room for surprise.

 

“Don't ask me where I found it,” was all the salarian had to say. He placed a sterile metal bowl on the table, then turned around and marched right to the elevator, ignoring the bloody mess Kaidan could see through the med bay's opening.

 

Inside the bowl, in a plastic bag, was a data chip.


	6. Chapter 6

“So” Vega's voice was coming from far, far away, even though the man was sitting right next to him. “I think the occasion calls for a drink.”

 

“It does,” he agreed.

 

“Happen to stash any, Captain Clean?”

 

“Tahir has whiskey and some Elysium vodka under his cot. Third left one from the door.”

 

James left the cabin without a word. Kaidan absently ran another test on the short video they found on the chip, and once again his omni-tool insisted it was real.

 

Kaidan was surprisingly calm, all things considered. His hands were shaking slightly when he held them out to check, and his stomach kept flipping uneasily, but overall, he had this kind of serene feeling spreading from his chest to the rest of his body.

 

He had proof. Or, well, he had this vid and a very biased analysis that James scoffed at, but didn’t disprove straight away. They could definitely agree that either an asari or a female human fought her way through a corridor rigged with more traps than the Great Volus Bank, into what looked like an observation deck on a fairly large ship. _Must be a dreadnought at least_ , said James. _Must be Kasumi_ , thought Kaidan, but decided against saying it out loud quite yet, just as he resolutely ignored Vega’s eyes burning into the side of his face when the mysterious woman turned to look at the only occupant of the room.

 

Who turned out to be Shepard.

 

Somebody who _looked_ like Shepard, Kaidan chided himself, burying his face in his hands. There wasn’t much else to go on, the vid cutting off shortly after. If he let himself get excited now, he’d forget how to breathe.

 

Now, what the hell could he do with it? While the mere thought made him feel light-headed and, if he was honest with himself, a little giddy, he didn't have much in terms of options. UGF would eat him alive for helping out a krogan refugee without listening to explanations; The Council had a long history of either ignoring important facts or completely overreacting. The Alliance had _buried_ Shepard. There would be no end of backtracking paperwork before they made a move.

 

And Kaidan needed to know, _now_. He needed to know exactly what happened, why, and why wasn't he notified, more than he needed air.

 

Shepard looked good on the vid. Older, yes, but he didn't seem to have any new scars and even let his hair grow out a bit longer. Granted, Kaidan only had about thirty seconds worth of a picture to take his notes from.

 

Soon enough, James was back with two bottles clinking together in his hand. They didn't bother with glasses.

 

“We're fucked,” said Vega instead of toast. They both took a long swallow. “Also, your pilot tells me you don't drink.”

 

The whiskey tasted sharp and bitter at the back of his throat. Tahir was, in fact, right. Kaidan stopped _drinking_ some four years ago. It was either that or to deal with an impending liver failure.

 

In present circumstances, Kaidan could not care less about his liver.

 

“Think it’s really-”

 

“Don’t. I can’t… I don’t want to think about it right now. Where do you think he is?”

 

James shrugged, letting Kaidan get away with it just for now and seating himself more comfortably on the couch. He busied himself with his bottle for a few long moments, with Kaidan following suit, before he finally voiced an opinion:

 

“Nowhere in Council Space. Not here, either. Probably at the ass-end of the Terminus Systems, that's where I'd hide the most famous body in the galaxy.”

 

“Are you _sure_ Aria - ”

 

“I'm not sure about anything when it comes to Lola.” Vega's voice was surprisingly harsh. “For all I know, she's hiding Shepard in her basement. Go and ask, I'll wait here.”

 

It took Kaidan a couple seconds for everything to click together - when it did, he had to cram his fist into his mouth to stifle a laugh. James' cheeks coloured slightly and the air of rage around him died down a little. Instead, he looked resigned.

 

“I know, I know, _'I told you so_ ,'” he said soberly, or as soberly as one could while hanging onto a bottle of Elysium vodka. “She's like a bad fucking habit, alright? But I'd have to be really screwed in the _seso_ to go back after she made me walk my friends into a death trap.”

 

Kaidan nodded, the hilarity of the situation suddenly lost on him. True, it was a shame that it took James eight years and Grunt's _seso_ to realise that Aria T'Loak wasn't the kind of a girl he could take home to meet his grandma. He'd be an utterly hypocritical bastard if he didn't admit he knew the feeling, though; the fascination, the pull. They were all moths around a flame on the _Normandy_ , but Kaidan never even thought twice about flying right into the fire.

 

They drank on in silence, although slower, without the previous desperation. What Vega thought of was a mystery; Kaidan remembered.

 

He remembered the heart-stopping moment of doubt when the remains of Sovereign crashed onto the Citadel Tower. Waking up on a hospital carrier in 2185, being told that the SR-1 hadn't survived the attack, and neither had its CO. Watching helplessly as the crack in the floor swallowed Shepard on Thessia. The hours he spent in the captain's cabin of a ruined SR-2, with a plaque on the floor in front of him, praying to be right. Finally, the terrifying sense of certainty, the empty void between his ribs that never quite filled up again, when Hackett entered his office ten years ago.

 

He didn't make it to the funeral. Instead, in his dress blues, he’d gathered all of the liquor in the house and gotten criminally drunk.

 

Would he have noticed? If he’d been there, would he have noticed if the body was a fake?

 

“So,” Vega placed the bottle on the table with a loud thud. “What do we do?”

 

Kaidan blinked, torn out of memory lane. The thought of 'we' hadn't occurred to him before.

 

“You have to be back on duty in, what, three weeks?” he asked. “I’ll - ”

 

“No no no no, _amigo_. There's no _I_ in this scenario.”

 

“You can't just go AWOL, James. What about your ship?”

 

He honestly didn't expect Vega to give him a broad grin.

 

“I'm not going anywhere till we find out what the hell is up. If it takes more than three weeks, well, my XO will finally get to see what a bitch real paperwork is.”

 

That made him chuckle, but he was far from convinced. Smuggling an AWOL Alliance officer aboard his ship would just make matters that much more difficult. Then again, him and James always made a good team, and he could use extra contacts If they were to comb through the galaxy looking for one man...

 

_“Captain - ”_

 

“I said 'don't interrupt,’ Delaney, didn’'t I?”

 

His comm officer went quiet for a moment, the intercom still crackling with open connection.

 

_“It's sergeant Dora, sir. He says commander Kryik has been captured.”_

 

*

 

Kaidan seriously considered just leaving Kryik behind next time. He liked the guy, but seriously, the shit he got himself into...

 

They expected a trap, obviously; both Vega and Kaidan had a history of working with Shepard, after all, and nobody attracted traps quite like that man. Vamm's suit signal was stubbornly stuck in an alley just out of the blocking beacon's range and he refused to answer his comm; there weren't a lot of other options.

 

What they didn't expect was for a bunch of ragged-looking mercenaries to one-up them.

 

It was quite simple, really. Corporal T'Ani was still green in real-life combat and although her biotics were a true asset, she wasn't much use after the cloaked enemy stabbed her with dampeners.

 

Kaidan was too used to working with seasoned soldiers. He didn't even teach these days; the students' rookie enthusiasm that he used to enjoy starting to wear him out, and after the Alliance hit at the Maze it was harder than usual to trust them with his back. The idea that you could _not_ notice a seven-feet turian creeping behind you, cloaked or not, was incomprehensible. Kaidan was nearly tearing his hair out for not noticing it _himself_.

 

To Vega's credit, his armour consisted of a chest-piece and a couple of joint plates from Kaidan's spare stealth suit. That's why they took Elyana along, because Vega didn't take time to put his bloody armour on before he jumped from Aria's window. The turian didn't even bother taking the asari out - as soon as she was out of the way, he had a pistol right at the back of James' neck and cheerfully informed them that they were surrounded.

 

What really, _really_ pissed Kaidan off was that they didn't even threaten him, straight out assuming he wouldn’t just sacrifice Vega's stupid head to get away. And it didn't help his mood any knowing that they were absolutely correct.

 

So here they were, lined up in the middle of what looked like an abandoned warehouse. Vamm was dragged in a few minutes after them, unconscious. He could hear Elyana apologising fiercely and Vega shushing her softly. Both her and Kaidan were cuffed with dampeners, but otherwise unrestrained, which proved that their captors had no idea who they were.

 

If there were any benefits to the mega-production of “The Human of Titanium” a few years ago, it was that it made the Normandy crew unrecognisable. The film was a hit - the handsome actor who played Shepard was, from a purely economic point of view, easier to sell than the scarred, hardened shell of a man he became after firing the Crucible. Kaidan's own face was, in general public's mind, replaced with the image of a wiry red sand addict with a colonist accent. While watching the vid was terribly uncomfortable, it definitely made stealth missions a whole lot easier.

 

Kaidan didn't need his biotics to get rid of the closest three mercs and once that was done, Vega would be able to join in. Seven turians looking like they taken their armours off a Marauder were hardly a challenge. Unfortunately, what he really needed at the moment was to find Domna and Aelius, and get the hell out of this place. Starting a fight would most likely only delay finding out where were they kept.

 

Soon enough, a surly, ageing batarian walked in with a small human-turian entourage. They were vastly better outfitted, even if most of the armours looked like they've been repeatedly repaired since around the Invasion.

 

“I've seen the middle one somewhere,” one of the younger humans said. “Around here.”

 

“Probably a mercenary,” piped up a turian in the back. This one was wearing a helmet with a shaded face plate. The batarian turned to him with a curious expression, only getting a shrug in return.

 

Kaidan could feel Vega stiffening beside him. The batarian seemed to assess him for a while, his face carefully blank, then, after checking something on his omni-tool, turned to Alenko and smiled drily.

 

“The kid wasn't lying, guys. That's a UGF captain you've got here.”

 

He didn't seem to be terribly bothered with it.

 

“None of them is wearing any identification, Thjak,” said one of their captors.

 

“Because Aria would just let a UGF squad land in the Maze?” Thjak's voice was dripping in sarcasm, but not harsh. For a mercenary group, they seemed to be fairly lax with the usual military drill.

 

Once again, the batarian looked straight at Kaidan. He walked a little closer, maintaining safe distance but enough that they could look each other in the eye, which was always this tiny bit more complicated with batarians.

 

“Did you happen to run into a suspicious-looking group of assassins last time you were in the area, captain Alenko?” He sounded friendly, in a non-threatening way, but kept himself very straight and knew better than to pretend Kaidan could trust him.

 

“You could say that.” Vega elbowed him sharply, but he ignored it. “I was attacked, possibly in connection to my Spectre assignment. I sent a squad to clean up, but they were - interrupted.”

 

“Your men are safe. The Shadow Broker's influence is not... welcome in this area, captain. We can't have unidentified soldiers running around in this situation, do you understand?”

 

“I understand that we both want me out of here.”

 

“Escorting you out of my district would be a true pleasure.”

 

Thjak waved at the helmeted turian, who, in turn, gave a signal to somebody at the door. After a few seconds of shuffling, Aelius and Domna, both with hands tied behind their backs, were thrown into the room. Kryik's left eye was beginning to swell, but they seemed otherwise unharmed. Thankfully, they kept their mouths shut upon seeing him.

 

“Tarquin will see you to your shuttle,” Thjak said, already walking away. “With a little luck, we will never see each other again.”

 

 

*

 

Tarquin, in true gentlemanly fashion, offered to give Kaidan's team a ride in a beaten up sky van - on the condition of nobody dying during the trip. In true mercenary fashion, he hadn't taken the dampeners off Kaidan or Elyana.

 

Things were looking up. Tarquin's men would take them all the way through customs, avoiding exposing Vega to further connection with Aria. His own fire team looked suitably beaten down and angry enough not to question any mysterious decisions their captain might suddenly make about the next assignment. Kaidan's actions would now have the fancy cover of investigating a surprisingly overlooked mercenary band and their relations with Shadow Broker.

 

Approximately ten more minutes, and Kaidan would be out of the Maze and on his way to find Shepard. There was an odd feeling of excitement accompanying the thought.

 

Of course, because nothing ever went smoothly for him, something was wrong with Vega.

 

If Aelius looked wary of the armed mercs around them, then James loudly declared war with body language alone. He was tense like hell and clearly taking deep breaths to calm himself down, while his gaze kept boring holes in the back of Tarquin's helmet. Kaidan was torn between wanting to know what his deal was and _wanting_ to just get back to _Karin_ , ASAP. In the end, he put his hand on James' arm as a warning, but the man only closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. With two minutes left to the docks, waiting it out was likely the smartest move.

 

Four minutes later, with Aelius and the fire team already halfway through customs - Kaidan and Tarquin bringing up the rear of the procession - Vega suddenly turned around, poked the turian into his heavily armoured chest and asked in a disturbingly calm voice:

 

“How’d you get your dirty paws on that rifle?”

 

“Which one?”

 

Kaidan chanced a brief glance at the impressive weapons display that was Tarquin's back. He wasn't an expert, but apart from the ancient Black Widow he couldn't spot anything out of order. Of course, Black Widows were strictly limited to Spectre Requisitions and the production of them had stopped after the Invasion - but he had, at the moment, bigger fish to fry than figuring out how many KIA Spectres resurfaced in the Maze after the dust settled.

 

“James,” he said impatiently. “Surely this can wait.”

 

In response, he received a look so incredulous he was actually taken aback. Tarquin turned to him, too, his face unreadable behind the helmet.

 

“Are you fucking blind, man? That rifle,” James walked around the turian, pointing at the Black Widow. “Is an AS-02, with the best heat scope you could find back in '86 and a spare heat sink.” As he talked, his voice lost some of its composure and started showing the angry undertones. “To be fair, you can't see it that easily, 'cause I spent _nine hours_ making sure the enemy _couldn't_ spot it.”

 

That got Kaidan's attention. He looked at the Black Widow again, properly.

 

Even collapsed, it bore signs of numerous repairs, damage that would be too much for any arms master to cover. One of them was a deep ridge right in the middle; Shepard had stopped a Phantom's sword like that once...

 

But as far as he knew, Shepard had dropped his Black Widow to drag Kaidan to the Normandy seventeen years ago.

 

“You can't be serious.”

 

“Oh, I am serious. And _now_.” Vega circled around to face Tarquin again, “I'd like to know where. The fuck. Did you get it.”

 

John loved that gun. The only reason he let James touch it at all was because he ended his missions in the med bay too often to take proper care of it. With his cybernetic strength, he was possibly the only human in the galaxy capable of using the heaviest sniper rifle on the market as a deadly precise shotgun, and damn if it wasn't effective.

 

Kaidan felt his biotics push against the dampeners.

 

Shepard's Black Widow was supposed to be lost under the parts of Citadel falling onto London after the Crucible fired. Soldiers clearing the rubble there treated every tiny, charred piece of armour with utmost respect, expecting that would be all of their Saviour they'd have left to bury, yet they never found his weapons.

 

Tarquin must have been there for the final push. And instead of helping, he picked up somebody else's rifle and ran.

 

“Now, how about we all calm down - ”

 

“How about you hand it back, right now,” he heard himself saying. The dampeners started cracking the same moment Aelius opened their comm link.

 

_“General, what's holding you back? The mercs are getting uneasy.”_

 

“Stay where you are, Kryik.”

 

James nodded, then placed himself just so the mercenaries coming back wouldn't make him an easy target. Tarquin looked back and forth between them, then, carefully, so they wouldn't take it as a hostile gesture, raised his hands to his helmet.

 

The face underneath presented rather sad a view; the right side of it was basically just a mess of scars, the left eye was missing and there was a black headband keeping the fringe in place. Kaidan has never seen white markings such as those on a turian before, either, yet there was something oddly familiar...

 

“I should have left the damn thing at home,” said Tarquin. He took the Black Widow off his back and extended it in one sharp movement, showing off the rifle's good condition. After a few seconds, as if he was saying his goodbyes, he handed it to Kaidan.

 

“I kept it well calibrated,” he added, almost like an afterthought.

 

Vega was halfway through a snort before he caught on.

 

 

*

 

“That's a nice ship you got yourself here” Garrus nodded appreciatively, looking around the cargo bay. “Say, did UGF copy Jack's graffiti too?”

 

“It's not as much of a battle vessel as you’re used to,” Kaidan admitted, taking his gloves off. “But I'm sure you won't get lost on it.”

 

As the turian inspected their armory, Kaidan realised that Karin looked more like the Normandy than Garrus looked like Garrus. The features, even those warped with new scars, remained the same, yet only the calibration quip let him connect the face to a name. Vakarian looked broader and harder - everything about him could easily be a safety measure, from his seemingly empty eye socket that hid a processing implant to the triple-plated boots. Wherever life took him after his disappearance, some of it must have been ugly.

 

“They get better funding than us these days” complained James, busy unhooking the mismatched chest piece from his shirt. “Not that I get _any_ , you know, those little twerps in the requisitions keep lecturing me about - ” he pitched his voice appropriately high to accent his opinion of said twerps, “ - proper upkeep of weapons. _Me_.”

 

“At least you have weapons to upkeep,” Garrus observed drily. “Some of the guns we use are pre-Invasion.”

 

They looked at each other, suddenly aware of how many years had passed. Kaidan doubted they'd been in the same room since before the Battle for Earth; now he was greyer than his father ever was, Vega kept his hair at minimum to hide the receding hairline and Garrus- time hadn't exactly treated him kindly, either.

 

“Well” Garrus was the one to break the silence. “We've got a lot to talk about, we should - ”

 

“General?”

 

Aelius, having shed his armour and deposited the other crew members in the med bay, was now wearing his best fatigues and a grimly determined expression. Kaidan could tell from the way he announced his presence, _then_ walked into an acceptable talking distance, that there were certain regulation procedures to be expected.

 

“Sir,” the commander started, standing to full attention when Kaidan acknowledged him with a nod. “Can I have a word, please.”

 

“You got yourself _yourself_?” came from behind him. Aelius glanced at Garrus with annoyance when Vega cackled loudly, but waited patiently until Kaidan fought off his boots. They moved to the side, leaving the other two to compare new scars.

 

“Sir, shall we put your guest in quarantine until background check is completed?”

 

“I don't think that would be necessary. He's not staying for long.”

 

“HQ got in touch. They expressed... surprise that we're still in hostile territory, and that most of senior officers were onshore at the same time. They expect a report.”

 

“I'll deal with it once our guest is off the ship. If they insist, tell them I'm still working.”

 

“Of course. Permission to speak freely this time, sir?”

 

Aelius looked genuinely worried. Kaidan rubbed his eyes. He couldn't keep his XO out of this mess for too long, but he hoped to stall the explanations until he had something more to go on. The commander's patience seemed to be reaching its limit though.

 

“Granted. What is it?”

 

“This man. How sure are you of him?”

 

“Sure enough not to put him in quarantine. To the point, commander.”

 

“His clan markings. I didn't recognise them at first, but they seem to be a mix of three very influential turian families and - you just don't do that, general. Not on your _face_.”

 

Kaidan took a longer look at his XO. Aelius was young and ambitious, and made a point of knowing the right people in the Hierarchy. He aimed high, and had a knack for recognising assets. On the other hand, one of the reason for his quick ascension in the UGF ranks was an ability not many turians possessed, namely leaving his people's many traditions out of the job. Garrus' highly personalised tattoos – and Kaidan was damn sure this time they were tattoos – must have made quite an impression for him to bring it up.

 

“Which families?”

 

“Victus, Vakarian and Arterius. The Arterius family is practically extinct now, general, it's unbelievable that anybody would dare to wear their - can I help you?”

 

A heavy, three-fingered hand fell on Kaidan's shoulder. Garrus was probably smirking - it was hard to tell with half of his face melted away. James was there, too, looking slightly apprehensive.

 

“You've got a good eye, kid.”

 

“I have _two_.”

 

Kaidan hoped Aelius wasn't proud of coming up with _that_ one, but Garrus laughed anyway. It sounded a bit rusty.

 

“You don't need to worry. Victus owes me so many favours he'd adopt me if he could. And Saren got a bit forgotten after the Invasion. Even the bastards need somebody to remember them.”

 

“Oh man,” Vega turned away, shaking his head. Kaidan wondered what did he miss this time, but the turian had an answer for that ready.

 

“What's the human phrase again? This is my comeback, Kaidan,” he grinned, then held a hand out to Aelius. “My name is Garrus Vakarian. I used to be pretty famous.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

“You starstruck my XO. That wasn't necessary.”

 

“You looked like you were having trouble,” Garrus shrugged, making himself comfortable on Kaidan's couch. “Besides, I wasn't lying. I didn't expect you guys to come my way, but I'll take what I can.”

 

James didn't sit down, choosing instead to pace back and forth with his hands crossed.

 

“Why now? You were gone for a decade, doing - what were you doing, anyway? I thought you topped yourself somewhere pretty, like Javik.”

 

“Javik killed himself?”

 

“That's the word” Kaidan cut in. “But we never found his body. James has a point, though. The Hierarchy will be all over the place the second they confirm it's you. Why now?”

 

“I, ah - ”

 

Garrus stopped for a long moment. He closed his remaining eye and made a thoughtful sound, just once. Apart from the subtle glint of the processing implant deep inside his empty socket, he looked sort of like a botched wax figure, the kind that the artist never really liked that much and set fire to on a bad, drunken day. He looked tired and _heavy_. Anxiety started gnawing at Kaidan's insides with cold teeth.

 

He didn't know this man, not any more than he knew Grunt. Whatever beginnings of friendship they had on the SR-1 had been already worn thin before Horizon; they didn't exactly start off brilliantly on the SR-2, either, what with Garrus' gun trained right at his head when Shepard went after Udina. Kaidan used to be a friendly man, but back then, there just wasn't enough _time_ to sit down and clear the air. So they assumed their natural roles - those of John's trusted companions  - and got on with it.

 

Without Shepard in the equation, they had no relationship whatsoever. In a way, it applied to a lot of Kaidan's ties.

 

Then, of course, was the matter of Vakarian disappearing without a trace for ten years. It was quite a sensation, and not just on Palaven. Garrus was pretty high up in the Hierarchy and well on his way to becoming the next Primarch; the most popular turian in the galaxy. The press didn't stop investigating it until Shepard's death was confirmed months later.

 

Kaidan had to stop himself from going down a really, really dark trail of thought. Earlier in the day, he’d nearly detonated the surrounding area at the sight of Shepard's old gun - if he didn't keep his emotions in check, he'd end up with a hull breach.

 

“You, ah - ?” James prompted, still standing over them with his hands crossed over his chest. He must have picked up on a similar idea way before Kaidan, judging but the tension still gripping his shoulders. “You joined a merc band? In the _Maze_? And what, now you miss home?”

 

When Garrus moved to look at him, it was like watching a planet slowly turning in its orbit.

 

“I didn't _join_ a merc band. I _started_ one,” he said. “And I have never been so proud of anything else in my entire life.”

 

He then locked his one eye with Kaidan's and, with no more than a blink, revealed that he didn't trust them any more than they trusted him.

 

“Look,” he leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees. “The plan was to go straight to Victus. I don't know how much real power he still holds, but I know he'd listen. You weren't suppose to recognise my rifle and threaten to blow the place up if I didn't do something.”

 

The increasingly visible holes in his self-control were starting to become embarrassing. And the fact was that Garrus had clearly come onto _Karin_ expecting to be shot in the back. He didn't introduce himself to Aelius out of pity for Kaidan's poor management skills. It was a safeguard against leaving the ship quietly and through the waste compactor. There wasn't a turian alive who wouldn't report that to the Hierarchy.

 

“I’ll have to take a gamble with you. I’ll take _anything_ as long as it takes the heat off my men. But first, I need you to answer one question.”

 

There was an ominous pause. Kaidan couldn't help but think that at least the dramatic flair didn't get buried under whatever happened to Garrus over the last decade.

 

“Are you, in any way, working with the Shadow Broker?”

 

James had this stupid, childish smirk on his face when Kaidan glanced his way.

 

“No,” he replied, ignoring the other human. His reply was, judging by Garrus' curious expression, not quite enough. “I haven't used the network since I left Alliance.”

 

“Yet, it was your crew I caught sniffing around the Trade Centre. It's quite a coincidence if you ask me.”

 

“I had a lead. The wet squad took it out. I took them out. End of story.”

 

Garrus then looked to Vega expectantly, as if his confirmation was essential.

 

“He took them out alright,” said James, matter-of-factly. “I'd be surprised if Liara didn't send him her laundry bill after that.” He finally sat down and uncrossed his arms, but didn't seem to notice that both Kaidan and Garrus made a face when he used the Broker's given name. “Now that we have this covered, ready to share the news?”

 

The turian thought about it for a moment, then rubbed his face with a sigh.

 

“It's a long story.”

 

“Better get on with it, then” Kaidan found himself saying, a little harsher than he intended. He had his own mission to start and Garrus' presence was throwing him off balance, like any moment now something might go terribly wrong. The turian seemed to have sensed the undertones, because he didn't waste any more time sighing.

 

“Not to bore you with details, but I brought my Vigilantes,” he shot James a dirty look when the man snorted at the name, “to the Maze shortly after Alliance backed out. We expanded and, about a year ago, I started sending teams to cut off colonies in the Terminus System, the ones UGF doesn't reach.”

 

The tone of his voice suggested that his opinion of UGF was close to his old views on C-Sec. Kaidan wasn't a spokesperson, so he didn't comment. With their resources, enlightening every single colonised world in the galaxy that the Invasion was over has been a lengthy process. He'd once landed in the ass-end of Nubian Expanse, chasing a Hallex dealer, only to find out that there was a three hundred strong human community utterly convinced that the Reapers would come for them the moment they left their underground bunker. He spent the next three months checking out the rest of the system.

 

“One of them caught a distress signal in the Sigurd's Cradle. It said on the report that they found some turian miners stranded. Then, in the middle of a night cycle, I get a vid-call from the ship's captain.” There was a short break there, as if Garrus was trying to choose the best way to say what happened next. “You have to understand, we are not exactly swimming in credits, and long-distance communication costs a lot of them. When my teams leave the Maze, they know they're on their own, unless it's an emergency.”

 

“I reckon it was an emergency?” James quipped. Garrus' whole body tensed instantly and the glare he sent out could turn kittens into stone.

 

“For the next half an hour, I watched my men trying to fight off those crazed miners. Ralis didn't have time to say anything, she just opened the comm in her omni-tool. She lost a dozen good soldiers before I realised what was happening.”

 

Apparently, whatever the creatures were, shooting them was ineffective. Three of Garrus' men were left standing before they figured out you had to blast their brains out to stop them from getting up and coming at you again. Kaidan tried to hide his impatience thorough the description of the whole fight; it clearly hit Garrus hard, but so far, there was nothing that unusual about the story. The Crucible outright killed or majorly damaged a lot of automated systems thorough the galaxy and working in a mine without proper ventilation could turn anybody into a zombie.

 

“Then, three shuttles landed right in the middle of the field.” Kaidan looked up. He didn't expect a rescue in such a story and, judging by Garrus' grim expression, he was right not to. “Unmarked squad, heavily armed. They had some kind of phasers, went through the miners like through butter. Didn't take them five minutes to clear them out.”

 

“Shadow Broker's squad?” Kaidan guessed. She had to come in somewhere.

 

“I couldn't tell at the time. When everything was over, Ralis left the vid link on so I could talk to the leader, but the moment she opened her mouth he put a bullet in her head. When he realised her vid-comm was on all this time, he fried her omni-tool so hard even mine blacked out.”

 

Garrus ordered all of his officers on the case, but by the morning three more of his deep-space operations reported an unmarked ship on their radars. He managed to save one with an early warning, but the hit squad chased them back to the Maze.

 

“We've been walking on eggshells ever since. Two more teams came for a hunt, they found the fake base and murdered the hell out of the nearest patrol. That pissed me off,” he paused. “So when I caught the next squad in a trap, I made sure to get them talking. That's how I know who employed them.”

 

“Have you tried to contact her?”

 

Garrus nodded, wringing his talons nervously. For a moment, he looked ashamed of himself.

 

“Most of my men don't know I'm behind the whole thing. I have this guy, Kasdros, he poses as the leader. Maybe if she knew it was me talking - I just wanted a break. Turns out, they were after the leader this whole time, the guy who's seen the whole thing in Sigurd's Cradle. And since none of my men talk, or carry any intel written down, she decided to take everybody out.”

 

Kaidan opened his mouth, then closed it again. When he tried to come up with an explanation - there must have been something - his mind came up blank. Garrus looked pretty distressed now and nothing seemed appropriate enough to say, so he kept quiet and counted on James to break the silence.

 

“So you're going public” the man didn't disappoint. “She can't kill off UGF if it goes to investigate that mine, no? What the hell was that, anyway? Some experiment gone awry?”

 

“Something the Council should definitely know about.” Well, if that wasn't a sentence Kaidan never thought he'd hear Garrus say. “Who knows how many more of those creatures are around. They could be Reaper leftovers, or something worse. I thought I can investigate on my own, but this is too much. I can't ask my men to risk their lives just walking down the street.”

 

James nodded thoughtfully, rapping his fingers on the coffee table. He glanced at Kaidan, a quick, questioning look that thankfully went unnoticed by Garrus.

 

Whatever Liara stepped into, it was clearly bigger than they initially thought and definitely deserved a detailed investigation. Garrus was ready to let go of his whole new life to do just that. However, as far as Kaidan was concerned, bringing it to the attention of the authorities would probably mean that wherever Shepard was held would become a lot more difficult to find. He'd rather fight off an invasion of zombie miners than let John slip out of his reach again.

 

Of course, Garrus wouldn't be easily convinced to put his band at such risk, that much was clear. Kaidan had to wonder how far both of them were prepared to go.

 

 

*

 

“You're both insane.”

 

“Yeah,” James admitted easily. “Could be the case. Or...” he grinned mischievously.

 

Kaidan didn't feel half as relaxed as Vega looked; parting with the little chip to show it to Garrus was probably the most nerve-wrecking experience of the last decade. Now he resigned himself to eyeing the turian's talons suspiciously, hoping he won't decide to crack the only evidence they had in two.

 

“You honestly - look, do I have to count the ways this could be a fake?” Vakarian wasn't giving up. As enraged as he seemed to be, he didn't storm off _Karin_ , so maybe they had something to work with.

 

Not that Kaidan would let him go anywhere now.

 

“I've checked it in every way I know how,” he said with certainty. “The vid wasn't tampered with.”

 

Garrus gave him an incredulous look. For a turian, he had an impressively easy to read range of expressions. This one contained hints of 'your mind must have finally snapped' and 'you're so missing the point'.

 

“The whole world watched that funeral. I've witnessed with my own one eye a bunch of Blood Pack mercs tuning in for the transmission. You'd think _somebody_ would have - ”

 

“Garrus,” Kaidan interrupted him. He turned this entire thing around in his head so many times that there wasn't any logical or illogical reasoning he didn't have an answer for. “Even if this isn't really Shepard, it's still somebody who looks dangerously like him. We don't want another evil clone running around, do we?”

 

“Then go in with your little Spectre note and investigate. I have an actual threat on my back there.”

 

This time, it was James' turn to defend their mission. He cleared his throat to get Garrus' attention, then leaned forward and whispered theatrically:

 

“Don't you wanna know where we found it?”

 

Kaidan rolled his eyes. Figured Vega would take credit for it, too.

 

“On the extranet?” Garrus asked sarcastically, moving to throw the chip onto the table but then thinking again and placing it carefully down. Kaidan let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

 

“Inside a krogan.” James' grin widened, seeing a glint of alarm in the turian's eye. “Name was Grunt. You might have heard of him?”

 

“Grunt- ” Garrus' mandibles flicked nervously. He turned to Kaidan. “Grunt was your lead? How did you get him out of- ”

 

“I was trying to get him back _in_ to the DMZ. James had an acquaintance set up the formalities, but things went belly up on the way.”

 

“That Broker squad…”

 

“...Was after Grunt. He did part with some information before they got him, though.”

 

The turian stared at him for a few moments, the cogs turning so fast they were nearly whistling. “A krogan who escaped from the DMZ carried around this chip and was hunted by the Shadow Broker,” he summed it up, looking rather at loss.

 

“He was equipped with Kasumi's tactical cloak, too,” Kaidan added, seeing breaks in Garrus' resolve. “I've got a feeling she was - ”

 

“No, nonono _no_ \- ” the turian stood up suddenly, turning around as if to block out whatever his company had to say. “What else? Mordin bloody Solus sighted on Omega? The Illusive Man running for Councillor? Listen to what you're saying, this is- !”

 

“-something we have to look into.”

 

Garrus glared at him over his shoulder, but didn't reply. The silence lasted a few minutes. Finally, James let out a quiet chuckle and stood up.

 

“I'm gonna go get some chow. You grown ups better get your shit together before I come back.”

 

Kaidan didn't pay attention. He held Garrus' eyes, unblinking, praying fervently that what the passing shadow he's seen there was what he hoped it to be. When the door clicked shut, the turian turned around, his chin and shoulders both down.

 

“This can't be true, you know.”

 

“I don't care,” he said, with as much conviction as he could muster.

 

“I need to make things right for my company first.”

 

“We'll put through the network that you're with me, now. Tell your men to lay low. They’ll be fine.”

 

“Do you really think she won't just kill us all? She has the- ”

 

“Garrus,” he relaxed in his seat, suddenly a little bit sleepy. “Sometimes I like to forget that, too - but this is _Liara_ we’re talking about.”

 

Vakarian stared at him for a while longer, then nodded. They both turned to the view of the Maze spreading on the other side of Kaidan's ceiling windows. From distance, it was rather quite pretty.

 

They didn't say anything else until Vega came back. He started chattering the moment he crossed the threshold, handing them some protein bars and commenting lightly on Kaidan’s crew. It took him a moment, but eventually he caught up with their mood and fell silent, munching on his snack.

 

Finally, Garrus made an irritated noise. When Kaidan looked down from the ceiling, the turian was glaring at the plastic blue wrapper in his talons.

 

“Levo? We haven’t even left the orbit and you’re already trying to kill me?”

  
Kaidan smiled to himself, listening to his new teammates squabbling just for the sake of making noise. If anything, he thought, it was a good start.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem "Under One Small Star" by Wislawa Szymborska can be found here: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/under-one-small-star/
> 
> "Apologies to great questions" is followed by an interlude, "Espy".


End file.
